My spouse and I have some fundamental differences in philosophy when it comes to money managment. Basically, he's a spender, I'm a saver. Of course it's a bit more complicated, but you get the idea.
Neither of us is particularly interested in reading books or articles to try to reach some sort of agreement, but we have agreed to meet with someone to discuss our situation. I'd like to discuss the pros and cons of spending versus saving, whether or not discipline is important or overrated, and how to come up with a money management plan that is mutually agreeable. Problem is, I'm not sure this type of advisor exists. Seems like we need a marriage counselor with a CFP.
We are focussed right now on our day-to-day money mangement and saving habits. We do NOT want to talk to someone about our investments and whether or not we need life insurance.
Are there any resources out there that might help us find the right person?
Talk to a fee-ONLY financial planner. A CFP designation is a good thing, but it alone is not a guarantee of the sort of advisor you're looking for. There are many CFP practitioners who are not fee-only (and do NOT mistake "fee-based" for "fee-only" they are very different -- "fee-based" folks still sell products).
In fact, you may do very well with a financial planner who is compensated on an hourly basis.
The skills you're looking for -- knowledge of finance as well as the people skills to manage a couple -- exists, but you may have to look for it. The way this kind of advisor gets most of his or her clients is through personal referrals. Talk to your accountant, for example, or if you're on any kind of community e-mail list (lots of areas have great parents lists, which are wonderful resources for this kind of thing).
Bigger financial planning shops often don't want to deal with the interpersonal issues or are mainly focussed on asset management (or, as you noted, trying to sell you insurance products). Or they only want to do multi-thousand-dollar written plans. None of that sounds like what you need. So look for a smaller shop or individual.
And I know you said you guys don't want to read books, but there's really no substitute for some self education. Any good planner is going to require you to do some homework anyway, like coming up with your spending broken down by various categories, listing your assets and debts, etc. If you're going to have to do that anyway, and especially if you're going to end up paying someone else to help make sense of all of it, you'll get the most out of it and the most for your money (and the planner's time spent most efficiently) if you start with some organizing on your own.
I highly recommend Eric Tyson's "Personal Finance for Dummies". It's really a great book and it does start off with the basics - what do I have, what do I owe, and where's my money going now?
If you want more specific suggestions as to where to look for a planner, it might help if you shared where you're located, not your address, of course, but perhaps the name of the closest metropolitan area.
At this point you do NOT need a financial advisor (and I are one). What you need a some personal financial counseling/coaching. I'd recommend you visit Dave Ramsey's web site at
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Dave is all about "debt is dumb" and he has a whole list of "financial coaches" that can help you with this. Go to his website and look for a Financial Coach in your area. If you can't find one, e-mail me privately and I'll put you in touch with several in my area (MD) - if they aren't convenient for you I'm sure they can help you find someone close to you.
You need a counselor, first and foremost. Disagreement over money is the cause of much arguing and bitterness in many marriages. It's counseling that will get you talking to each other about the issues in a way that's not threatening or insulting to the other. Gene recommends Dave Ramsey. I agree if only for one reason. Dave is so 'anti-debt', 'anti-credit', to the point where one would actually show no credit score. Next to Dave, you will look so reasonable and flexible, your husband might get the idea that your way is worth adopting for a happy marriage. By the way, for most couples saving 10-15% (unless you are over 40 and needing to save more to catch up) is a good target. Much less and you'd not save enough for retirement, much more and you likely are living like a miser.
I realize the OP said her husband and she did not want to read articles, but for those couples who do, here is a great series from the NY Times on how financial planning for couples has become a focal point (I think generally in a good way) for advisors, be they financial advisors or otherwise:
Sometimes people think so simply because they have different spending priorities and one spouse thinks that the other spends "frivolously" whereas he or she spends on "necessities". So it would be good to re-examine whether it is a possibility. Say, when you two got married, who had more savings? Bigger retirement plan? etc
Assuming that what you said is simply true, and that you are a saver and he is a spender, I would say that it may be a basic personality trait that is difficult to change.
One of the things that may be missing here which a good financial planner may help with (or which you, the original posters should at least try on your own first) is just to get an honest idea of what the actual spending situation is.
Both of you need to track your spending for a few months. Perhaps not every single nickel and dime, but at least come up with some broad categories you agree with (I recommended Personal Finance for Dummies elsewhere - in one of the earlier chapters, it's got a pretty good list of spending categories to use and instructions on how to start figuring this all out). See where the money's really going. And see if, in the end, you are actually spending more or less than you earn.
A good planner will do that with you, but no matter how good he or she is, he or she will require your input and information to be able to do so -- so you might as well start on your own first.
1) income
2) spending/budget
3) debts and debt management
4) investing basics
I live in a marriage like yours (she spends, I save) and over last 11 years we have found ways to keep us both less stressed about money. However it takes time, and whether you hire someone to help you or do it on your own, you need to know the 4 items above (as they pertain to your situation).
If you meet with a person and they charge you $100/hour to teach you how to budget, how fast will that lesson go at $100/hour? If you read books or look for financial boards (like this one) you can learn the same things for free.
If you do not know your income, then how do you do your taxes? Who does your taxes? How much per hour do you pay them?
How much debt do you have? Is the information organized? How much are you willing to pay someone to help you understand your debt?
Investing- you need to know what you have, how much you need, and when you will need it. Much of this can be done by you (on your own) or you can pay someone per hour to do it for you.
Regardless of how much you pay someone per hour to help you, both of you will eventually need to know the basics to come to a mutual understanding of what to do next. One way to do this is to self educate both spouses to a minimal level (like reading books or searching the net) then have a professional validate approach and suggest some minor (or major) changes.
Ron. People can debate how to invest their savings, but I've never heard it suggested there was even a fine line between spending and saving, let alone that one was a subset of the other. saving = not spending. Any argument to the contrary becomes semantic in nature and not real helpful to the OP.
I don't know. This may be true, but they need a shrink to help figure it out. Understanding why each of this couple handles money the way they do is probably the first step.
If they could, she'd not have come here for advice. The Charlie Eppes TV character is a math wiz. Not very useful background for relationship issues.
I'd be very curious to hear back from the OP to find out how they are progressing if/when they get help. Joe
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