Thought this would put a smile on yer faces
BAKED BEANS Once there lived a woman who had a passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love, When it became apparent that they would marry, she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gently man, her would never go for this carrying on."
She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small restaurant and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the restaurant and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed exited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. He seated himself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until her returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it and smiled contentedly to herself. She was the picture in innocence when her husband returned, apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and was she surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her "Happy Birthday".