Dear Gordon,
You should have received this letter via Jack Straw MP.
Please find enclosed a solution to poverty within my borough of Blackburn with Darwen. I was born in Darwen, and Blackburn is my hometown. My ambition is to buy Darwen off the Council, just so that I can reduce the rates, or do away with them altogether, for the good people in the town of my birth.
I know that you are a religious man, as mentioned by Dianne Abbot MP on the political programme she 'stars' on with that amiable tory, Michael Portillo. She said that you are a Presbyterian and a 'Son of Man', of which I don't know the fundament of your belief, but I walk round my mainly Muslim community and hometown with a Blackburn Rovers top on that has 'SON OF JOHN LEO' imprinted on the back. My Dad, John Leo Joseph Brown, passed away about seven and a half years ago. I am Practising Catholic and I often attend some Church of England Services. I pray for the Queen and her family in my nightly prayer.
Politically, I do not believe in the Union, but I do believe in the Commonwealth as we need to help other countries who are falling behind in the economic race to feed themselves. I am self-employed, working less than 16 hours per week as I am on Income Support due to my condition of Manic Depression, and I am the only person in Blackburn who reports accounts to the DWP. I have never earned enough in a year to pay income tax and when I was first self-employed, I did not claim income support even though I earned about £200 every couple of months. I am not a money person but a people person, if you can grasp that concept.
I want a North West Assembly with full power, and I will get one, with the leader of the assembly, i.e the leader of the political party with most seats in Lancashire and the surround, to become the Duke of Lancaster with full Royal Power. I will inform the Queen and Prince Charles about this, so don't worry yourself about a bloody revolution.
I have given Jack Straw MP, and his assistant Damian, a copy of the enclosed economic system so that I may communicate with Damian locally about whether you are going to come up with some new law to say that a 'virtual' currency can be taxed. It would not surprise me one bit if New Labour panic about this system as within ten years, 'cash' will be almost worthless.
If you are familiar with Revelation, the last book of the New Testament, you will note that at one point it says that people will only be able to trade with the mark of the 'beast' on their right hand or forehead. Please note, PennyShekels, are merely a number in a database on an Internet Webserver and at no time will I be forcing people to accept the system, whereas ID cards or under-the-skin chip implants can be seen as antichrist-like.
If you would like my view on you becoming Primeminister, you had better become leader of your party in this term as English people will not vote in a Scottish Primeminister. I do respect what you try to do Gordon, but all MPs are on about £1,000 per week and nowadays they care nothing for the person on the street who runs out of benefits within about 3 days of receiving it. They may as well all be shouting from the tory benches. You can tell them all that and perhaps quote a little from this letter during Parliament to give them all a 'virtual' laugh. I can't be Primeminister under the present rule as I have been in hospital twice for my Manic Depression.
I am not having a go because I envy Members of Parliament, I am 38 years of age now, and by the age of 40 I will probably pay more income tax in a day, in pounds sterling, than the whole House of Commons pays in a year or a lifetime. I will not stand in a General Election until I am 50, unless I am asked to save the Great Country of England before that time.
I have nothing against Scottish people, I own a priceless Scotland World Cup Sweater from 1982, that should have been for my Scottish Brother-in-Law, Sandy, who passed away from Cancer before he received it. I wore the jumper for his funeral, he was a Kilmarnock fan and we used to go to the Rovers together. My eldest sister was 26 when she was widowed. I know you have recently had tragedy in your life and I like the way you try to do good for all, but I don't expect you really understand what it is like to be skint for over a week and to stick to one meal per day at the soup kitchen.
The PennyShekels system outlined will take me about 40 weeks to set up and do all the programming, so I would appreciate it if you don't send all the Security Forces round to my 1 bedroom flat looking for a stash of 'cash' or even a bundle of PennyShekels. I will admit that I am 2 years late with my Self Assessment form, but as I owe no tax, not being above the tax limit, the Government and the current Primeminister have a lot more to worry about than me.
Once I am leader of a North West Assembly, and Duke of Lancaster with Queen Elizabeth II's blessing, if Tony Blair or Maggie Thatcher enter my beloved county of Lancashire they will be put under House Arrest for war crimes. Yes, I do not agree with war unless it is for defence of my Country of England, or the defence of a Commonwealth Country for good reason. In my eyes the Falklands War and the Iraq War were and the religious one, still is illegal. I am deadly serious about this, it is not an opinion it is a feeling. I will negotiate with the Argentine Government so that they can share the Falkland Islands, and as long as I continue to talk amiably with the Imans of the local mosques you will find the Lord Almighty keeping his promise to mighty God as Isaiah 9 relates perfectly.
That will do for now Gordon, I don't want you getting delusional that you could be a ceditable Primeminister of England by considering putting into action some of my policies, but I do wish you the best in sorting out the false economy that you have created single handedly as Chancellor of the Exchequer. I was talking to a busker about PennyShekels and, you may see it, but with the 'virtual' currency I would be like a Chancellor of the Exchequer. Everyone is in debt.
I will show this letter to Damian, Jack Straw's assistant, after you have had time to soak it all up.
Yours Faithfully in Christ,
Damian John Paul Brown