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Rant: Droids at bank answering phone

I have an investment bond with *B*ank X that is due to mature rsn. I received a letter from the bank detailing the figures and saying,

"Call the above number if there are any queries". I had a query so thought I call them.

The "above" direct dial number and extension (on the letter) were ---- blank! There was another number which got me an ansaphone system.

  1. "Customer or not"?, Yes.
  2. "Enter your card number", Hang up go find card, goto 1
  3. "Enter the 3rd number (meaning digit) of your five digit (so they have heard of "digit") passcode. Hang up, rummage for codes. Goto 1
  4. "All recordings are monitored for training purposes" (or was it porpoises)

Eventually something answered - it may have been human but I'm not sure.

"Yeah"?

Me: Hello, I have a query about etc etc do I have to blah.

"yeah".

Me: (as this sounded too easy), Could I just confirm that because it's quite important to me.

"yeah".

I just put the phone down.

Just how the hell a reputable highstreet bank can employ morons like this who cannot even be polite let alone speak properly is an appalling way to run a business. I guess (and hope) that the actual people running the investment accounts aren't in this class otherwise we'd be better off with monkeys, typewriters and random numbers.

I would have called my local branch about this in the first place - but they don't have a phone number any more - I have to call the same number as above!

Anither interesting thing, if I DON'T want to recieve junk mail from them I have to WRITE TO THEM to tell them so! So the default is I get unasked for junk mail!

I'd seriously consider changing banks - but I guess there others are just as crap?

Reply to
dave
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At this point mention to their system you are recording the call for public distibution.

Then send a letter to head-office, with the transcript of the call and ask them what they intend to do to make you stay a customer.

Had similar crap with the Halifax - call recorded - and I got a letter from the local branch manager telling me how "unfair" it was to record calls without warning them. I had warned them - they just didn't listen!

Reply to
Fred Smith

In message , Fred Smith writes

They invite you to record telephone conversations at the start, the automated woman who tells you to type random numbers into the keypad until she can't understand and transfers you to 'customer services' normally says to you: 'calls may be recorded' thus inviting you to record the conversation! Or is that not quite what they mean?!

Reply to
me

Big faceless corporations just love customers like you and I :-)

Reply to
Fred Smith

X-No-Archive: yes

In message , " snipped-for-privacy@privacy.net" writes

Scene: A frantic customer calling a mail order customer query hotline. Unlike sales lines, such lines get low priority -- the poor customer is usually left sucking on a hind tit for about thirty minutes. But when they get through:

CUSTOMER: (desperately) It's about these Norwegian Blues I ordered last week. You've sent me 223 of them and charged over 20,000 quid against my credit card! I only wanted two or three!

The mail order smoothie takes details and promises to call the customer back. He listens to the logging tape made when the customer phoned in the order (the order reference includes the tape/hard disk file access number) and calls back with:

SMOOTHIE: Sorry, madam, but according to our records (they never say `recordings') you ordered 223 Norwegian Blues from us on such and such date, at such and such a time, and Nigel took the order.

CUSTOMER: But I told Nigel that I only wanted two to three Norwegian Blues when he said he had to check your stock levels. He checked and said that there was no problem.

SMOOTHIE: Sorry, madam, but according to our records you definitely ordered 223 Norwegian Blues. They're now yours. Beautiful plumage, don't you think?

CUSTOMER: But they're all dead!

SMOOTHIE: Sorry madam, but there's nothing in our records to show that you specifically ordered live ones. That's why we included a free Norwegian Blue recipe book with your order. Try the beak soup on page 10 -- beautiful flavour.

An exaggerated example but it does illustrate the advantages of the telephone to the mail order company. They have the hapless customer's full name and address, and, very likely, bra size and inside leg measurement. All she has is Nigel's first name, and, like as not, no proper address for the company other than a PO Box number. Also the mail order outfit has a tape recording of the transaction lest Mastercard or Visa or the law get stroppy. How many people phoning a mail order company make a tape recording?

Reply to
JF

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